Misconceptions - Depression

When someone mentions depression, usually the first word associated with it is sadness. The fact of the matter is, that's not all there is to it. While sadness is a part of it, there's also so much more to it. Similar to anxiety, and just about any other mental illness out there, everyone with depression (a handful of people) has a different experience. Not everyone shares the same emotions either, which is something a lot of people find mind boggling. 

For me, it began four years ago (as mentioned in Steady). I experienced a mix of emotions and honestly, the list of said emotions is constantly growing. 

The main thing I felt was probably the most overwhelming, and that was emptiness. I know, you're probably thinking, oh my god this girl's being so dramatic. And if we're being honest, I fucking wish I was. I wish it was just something I could easily get past, but it was the most difficult thing to get across. Emptiness is literally what it sounds like: being empty or feeling empty. That feeling washed over me constantly, especially at the worst times. I mainly felt it when I was around my friends. I know it sounds terrible, and it is, especially since it banded with my anxiety and made me the most worrisome person there could be in the room. It didn't help any in junior year, especially since I began to feel another thing that basically tore me to the core. 

Alongside emptiness, I was numb. I didn't feel any sort of happiness, nor did I feel sadness. It was just nothing. There was nothing I could do about it, especially since I never dealt with it before then. I was cold to my friends and I was rude when I didn't mean to be. At some point, I figured out it was because I was under so much stress that I just didn't feel anything anymore. 

And the worst thing added into my mix of emotions, or lack thereof, was anger. I was angry constantly, and I began to pick fights with my friends and family. I would snap at the wrong people at the worst of times and for generally trivial things. 

At some point during junior year, I went to my school's counselor and decided to get myself help before I did anything drastic. I had a lot of weight lifted off my shoulders right then and there. I learned to cope with my depression and learned my triggers for it too. I avoid a lot of toxic and negative people because I know it'll spiral into another episode. 

P.S. Emotions aren't the only thing involved. The brain is a huge factor in it. Depression is actually caused by a lack of "happy" hormones called endorphins. It's not something that can go away if you just "think happy thoughts". I hate to break it to you, but that's not how it works. 
P.P.S Just because you're sad over that guy/girl who didn't like you, doesn't mean you're depressed.