Speak

If you know me as a person, you know that I kind of suck at communicating my feelings since I'm sort of awkward. The thing is, I did have a couple people that helped out with that. A friend of mine described it as "beautiful", and I can see why. 

If you haven't noticed, I get stressed easily. Usually it's my fault and it's over things like school and family. Well back in junior year, I was beyond stressed. I had to worry about my GPA and college and senior year and whatever else there was. As a result, my depression and anxiety were at an all time high. I would get angry and would force myself to be alone so I didn't lash out at anyone I didn't mean to hurt. It may sound lonely, but it wasn't. It gave me a peace of mind and gave me time to reorganize my thoughts. It was a roller coaster of emotions for sure, but that's where those two people come into play. One of those was Benny and the other is a friend we'll call Evan. 

We all know that school has some weird ass schedules and we'd all be tired by the last class. Thankfully, the class I had wasn't stressful and I usually chilled since I had nothing else to do. On some days, I'd come in angry or annoyed because I was having a bad day. When I was in one of those moods, I'd usually tell Benny that I wasn't in the mood that day, hoping he'd know exactly what I meant. And he did, thankfully. He didn't bother me or try to get an explanation out of me. He let me sit there and wander deep into my thoughts of the day. And I'm thankful he did. I'd usually just calm down and everything would end on a tranquil note that day. Not only that, but he would send me songs or videos at random times of the day (or night) that'd either calm me down or make me laugh, which was well needed most days. 

The summer after junior year, I met Evan (mind you, this isn't his real name) at a show at a local bar. He and I became friends rather quickly (though we're not too close) and he eventually opened up to me, admitting he had emotional baggage and would sometimes take days off from social media since it gave him time to actually think. Sometimes I'd get anxious and worry that he just didn't want to talk to me because I was annoying him or something of the sort. I suggested he let me know when he was having a bad day so I wouldn't bother him, the same way I asked Benny to. He took the suggestion and would hit me up in the mornings of those particular days and would say something along the lines of "hey I'm taking a day off today, just wanted you to know". He would keep me updated on the status of his mental health and it meant the world to me since I was always anxious anyway. 

So what's the point of these two stories? Communication is key. Not only in relationships, but in friendships as well. So if you're reading this, Benny (and I know you are), thank you. You kept me sane. You helped me out by not adding to the stress of my life. It may seem like it was just a nice gesture on your part, but it helped an insane amount. If you're reading this Evan, thank you. You opened my mind up to a whole new world. You opened my eyes. Both of you did. Thank you for not making me feel stupid or paranoid.